They're back!

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Henderson, Nevada

Renowned explorers Bryce Jones and his son Tyce returned from their 8-day journey to the wild frontier yesterday. Their arrival was met with great exuberance as the family welcomed them home with hugs and kisses and cries of, "Gimme those Doritos!"

The camp-weary travelers took a moment to expound on the highlights of the trip.

"I ate a ton of food!" Tyce bragged. "I went upstairs to weigh myself just now and I've gained 2.2 pounds."

"I hope I lost 2.2 pounds," Bryce said wistfully.

A combination of culinary delights, rigorous hiking, and merit badge classes made up the campers' days.

"I earned my environmental science, shotgun, rifle, archery, and leatherwork badges," Tyce reported. "It was awesome!"

"He worked really hard," informed his scout master. "In fact, now this one gang wants him to join because he's pretty good with a bowstaff."

But not everything about camp was rosy.

"I almost died. Again," huffed Tyce, referring to his cliff-diving incident from May. "Dad and I were in the canoe, and then the wake from another boat rocked us. We both leaned the same way, and suddenly the canoe capsized. I started freaking out--yeah, I'll admit it--because the water was freezing and I didn't know how we were going to get the canoe flipped over. Dad kept telling me not to panic. Eventually I scrambled into our troop's other canoe, shivering like a drowned rat after seeing my life pass before my eyes. But then Dallin and Gonzalo laughed at me and I started to feel better."

Bryce had a slightly different take on the matter.

"Yes, our canoe did capsize, but we weren't in any danger," he said. "I had it totally under control."

Another water traveler agreed. "Dude, that was some sweet maneuver the old guy did. He, like, made it to the other canoe, hefted little dude in, flipped his craft up to empty the water, put it back in the river, and climbed back in. It was sick," admired a young man known as Macky D.

But both campers agreed that all was well than ended well.

"I had a blast!" Tyce said.

"It was really fun," said Bryce.

Now all that's left for this dirt-attracting duo is to shower and unpack. A slightly larger task might be keeping those little kids out of the Doritos.