Monday, July 16, 2012

Traffic Court

What did you do last week for fun? Oh, you went swimming? Got a grape slush from Sonic? Well guess what I did. I dripped sweat in traffic court in the company of n'er-drive-wells.

I felt like a criminal.

I got the ticket the last day of May. The cop trailed me for a mile and I was like, "Go awayyyy.....pass me......come on....." until I got on the feeder to the highway. Because I was kind of nervous I was herky-jerky trying to merge with traffic. And just when I got my mojo I saw those dang flashing lights telling me to pull over.

"There's nothing wrong with your driving, Ma'am," he assured me. "But the sticker on the back of your license plate, your registration . . . it expired yesterday."

Yesterday! FOR REAL! May 30th, not 31st!!!!! Is there no mercy in this world?

So to fix the situation Bryce took the minivan to work the following week. But as you know. . . he got in an accident that day, before he could get it smogged! The insurance company told us it was total loss.

So then I had a ticket for a car I no longer owned.

"Just plead 'Not Guilty' and you can explain yourself to the D.A. outside," Bryce advised. "It won't be a problem."

And that's what I did. The lawyer probably took my side because she wanted to get out of the hot-as-Hades hallway and find some working A/C. I felt like my brain melted a little out there. Maybe hers did too but it worked in my favor. Thank goodness for that!

Now back to the courtroom. Prior to my call the cases were pretty routine. Failing to obey a traffic device. Failing to show proof of insurance. Expired this-or-that. People did their thing and then walked out. But one old man in the courtroom really wore his emotions on his sleeve and I couldn't help but relate.

The judge said, "Sir, you have three offenses: Driving Without a Valid Nevada Driver's License, Expired Registration, and Speeding. Do you understand the charges?"

"YES," the man boomed into the microphone, sounding rather depressed.

"On the charge of driving without a valid Nevada driver's license, how do you ple--"


"On the charge of having expired registration, how do--"


"And on the charge of spee--"


I heard a few stifled laughs behind me. I don't know why but that interrupting Eeyore voice was so sad and funny.

The judge asked, "Have you taken care of your expired registration? Great. Hand it to me." The judge looked over it and said, "Sir, this appears to be for a different vehicle."

"What? Awhhh, you're beeping me! BEEP! I left it on the table then. UGH!!!!!"

"Sir, you are in a courtroom. You cannot use foul language here!" the judge reprimanded.

"I'm sorry, Your Honor. I'm so mad. This is Beep. Oh, sorry again. I can't believe this!"

"Sir, I know you're disappointed in yourself but throwing a hissy fit isn't going to solve your problems. Just bring it to the window tomorrow, okay?"

They finished up and he was dismissed. As he walked out of the courtroom the man smacked himself in the head and said, "Ugh! Stupid!"

He made me want to give him a hug and tell him everything was going to be all right, poor man. We're all just one step away from losing it. I know.

That's what traffic court can do to you.

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