Hard, hard, hard day, just like almost every Sunday in recent months. You would think that with my kids getting older church would be getting easier. But it is becoming the day I dread most of all.
I can hardly, and I really mean hardly, get the four kids out the door without drama. And I've been taking our little neighbors with us--they are easy kids and I like them very much. But it adds another layer of stress to sitting in sacrament meeting, managing the dynamics of three kindergartners, one 1st grader, and a very moody 5th grader. Tyce has taken to sitting by the door being an usher, and I don't blame him.
Today I couldn't even get them all to go. And of the ones who did, one bolted out of class repeatedly (by report). I came back home to deal with the one who refused to even leave the house. The thing is, today was better than last week. And if you remember that last week was Mother's Day, you'll know why my post for that day didn't include any of my own words.
What is going wrong? I think we must be the only family who falls apart every Sunday. I don't know if it would be better or worse to have Bryce here instead of at Bishopric meetings and sitting on the stand. I do feel like it's harder for me because I'm essentially on my own, but I don't know. Other large families enlist helpers for sacrament--but with our temperamental bunch I think that might make things even more out of control.
On a good day I think, okay, this is how to keep things balanced. Before church, be organized and positive; at church bring things to do, lower my expectations, sit in the back (which is where the less-uptight people go), keep the kids engaged with a smile. Plenty of paper and crayons for everyone. Even some surprises. And some days that works just right.
And then other times, I do all of those good-day things but it doesn't work at all. And those are the days that make me cry and cry in frustration, because seriously, what is going on? It's church for heaven's sake, not a torture camp. Sacrament meeting can be tough but after that, the kids have the nicest teachers. In fact, everyone is nice to them. This should be the best day of the week . . . or at least an average day, right?
I've thought about quitting going . . . but isn't that the very last thing I should do? Don't people go to church to make things better? And yet I feel like it's church that's making things worse. If you're in my ward you have probably seen me looking pretty bad, somewhere between fighting back tears and trying to dash to the minivan before I truly lose it.
Obviously I need to change something. Lord help me figure out what it is.
5 comments:
Oh rebecca, your feelings are truly justified and very similar to so many, including myself. I quite enjoy ward council day, even though it is early, because I am able to get out of the house and dodge the drama and frustration that occurs trying to get everyone to church. I too have wondered why I was there in sacrament as I held back tears. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone and it is hard but we will continue to be blessed for our efforts. Hang in there. Hopefully next week will be a good one so you can gain confidence again. And it is much harder with your husband on the stand then sitting by you helping. I am grateful to have Justin back.
Thank you, Rachel. That means a lot to me. :)
We have the same drama at our home. Kids don't want to go to church and then when in Primary shout things like, "I hate Jesus". But then at home are the first to remind me to read scriptures and have prayer. I will admit that Sundays are not enjoyable and I loathe them sometimes, but at least my kids know what I expect. Not that I get it every time ha ha. Just know you are in good company and I think you are amazing!
I think everyone hears these things- you are not the only one--My two oldest boys get angry every week, complain, threaten etc. However once there, they love it. Given a chance, Alice would stay home but again she enjoys primary. I even hear the old drawback, What about free agency mom? The fact of the matter is, it's the exact right place to be and therefore the struglle is natural. I'm like you, I have everything ready the night before, my piano books are in the car- EVERTYHING is set out, and still drama occurs. I get sooo irrritated when I see a small family (anything less than 4 is small) and they have a young couple sitting with them helping them ...I am glad that they always end up with a positive note, but then we have another 17 mile car ride home...I doubt this helps anything, but I want you to know you are not alone. And also that you are still my roll model!
You mean I am not the only one? I haven't had Mike sit with me for so long I can hardly remember him there. I grew up in a family of seven kids and I am sure my mom went through the same things, but all I remember is the good stuff. Hang in there, you're not the only one. Your kids are great kids and are so blessed for your efforts.
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