The other thing is that I feel like I'm evolving (albeit slowly) into a better mother of a teenager. Most of it has to do with changing my perception, my expectations, and my attitude. And realizing that my worth as a parent isn't dependent on how my kids turn out; I used to think that if I loved my children enough (with everything that entails) I could innoculate them against poor choices. My hard work was an insurance policy, if you will. Have family prayer, and there won't be fighting. Model clean language, and they will never say a bad word. Bear your testimony every day, and they will never doubt the truth.
But they are free to choose for themselves how to live, what to say, and what to believe.
“You can’t force your boys, nor your girls into heaven. You may force them to hell, by using harsh means in the efforts to make them good… Our children are like we are; we couldn’t be driven; we can’t be driven now… We won’t be driven. Men are not in the habit of being driven; they are not made that way.” --Joseph F. Smith
I love this. I have been pondering it lately. I know *I* can't be forced to do anything, so why do I think anyone else can? But I can drive them away trying.
"If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed. If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency. . . . There would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, eternal life, and godhood." --Spencer W. Kimball
I love this one too. But oh, the temptation to wish that the lightning bolt would strike and the precise moment of a misdeed!
I'm not saying that anything super bad is happening around here, just so you know. Growing pains, mostly.
I certainly made mistakes growing up, and continue to make mistakes today. I'm not perfect and I know that NO ONE is perfect. That doesn't mean that I don't expect a lot from my children but I acknowledge that there are bumps in the road and obstacles to overcome, some of their own making and some not. It doesn't mean that if people stray that they won't come back.
So while this probably sounds like the opposite of sunshine, these epiphanies have all been enlightening.
The third ray of sunshine was our Relief Society birthday party last night. Stephanie Smith did a beautiful job, as she always does, with planning and executing the program. Her sister Christie was the guest speaker on finding joy in the little things. Man, her talk was inspiring. I wished I'd gotten a Kleenex ready because my tears made rivulets on my freshly-powdered cheeks. I am renewed in my desire to express gratitude, and to find joy in the little things.
After that we had a lovely dinner and lovely conversations with the sweet ladies of our ward. It was so nice to socialize and get to know people better.
And finally, it is with gratitude that I say a big THANK YOU to Denalee for awarding me my very first blogging award, the Sunshine award!
Thank you. And I would like to share the love. It was hard to choose but I've picked three to pass this award on to:
And I hope you all have a wonderful, sun-shiney weekend.
8 comments:
Girl... REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! i sooo didnt need to CRY AGAIN! had enough tears this past week..... uhhhhg...
So i LOVED your two quotes! might have to steal em!
Sooo true... ALL of it! Having raised 3 teenagers, the tears , the pains, the struggles, the questioning of myself.... sometimes i have just wanted to crawl in my bed and never come out... i mean it wouldnt matter right?????? Me being out of bed and doing my motherly things didnt make things any better....... I honestly dont know what i would do if it werent for my hubby to bring me back to reality and get me in check..... ALL of these words are sooo true
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But they are free to choose for themselves how to live, what to say, and what to believe.
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It hurts.... sooo bad to see them making choices you KNOW are wrong..... when you have TAUGHT them better...... It draws you back to our father in heaven... how He must feel with ALL the wrong doings going on on this earth. Then i have to stop and think.. ok my pain isnt SO bad.... And eventually... they DO learn..... in their time.
Lisa, I actually look to you for inspiration, because I see how much you LOVE your children, no matter what. When I first met you I could see how dedicated you were to your family and I thought, How can I be more like her? So even though you might feel like giving up sometimes, know that you have inspired me to keep going.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. :)
Amazing post Rebecca ... the quotes are comforting and enlightening. And your own words ... well, I'll be quoting them myself.
I saw Stephanie the day before your RS night - she is an incredible person, isn't she! She always carries off the activities the way I dream of doing ours! (This is a true statement!!!) So the few times we've been able to combine and work together I've felt SO relieved. Glad it was a wonderful night.
Hope you have a great weekend.
PS - just wanted to mention that after dropping off carpool kids your direction we almost always get stopped waiting for the bus on the opposite side of the street. Tyce crosses the street in front of us and ALWAYS gives us a wave. After having 3 kids get thru middle school and have us all survive, I can say that a wave from a middle-schooler is true sign of someone with confidence, grace and charity. Good job with him!
WAIT!!!! I mean after getting 4 kids thru middle school! SHeesh! I have survived, but perhaps I've lost some of my mental abilities ....
Haha!!!! Three, four, what's the difference. I'm glad Tyce is friendly to you!
Thanks for the sunshine! How do I post it on my blog? I think getting back to walking in April is a good idea because this time change is messing me up.
Carmen, have my blog open, and your blog open to compose a new post. Click on the picture of the sunshine award on my blog, then click "copy" on the address. In your blog, click upload a picture from a website; copy the sunshine award address. And, viola! You did it.
And for walking, April it is.
Such great wonderful thoughts! Lucas still uses training wheels... one of these days we are just going to have to make him try.... not really looking forward to that
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