My philosophy on adoption is, if a mom can love more than one child, a child can love more than one mom (or dad). I think that most adopted children already do, even if they know nothing about their birth parents. I think it's innate to feel a connection to where you came from, and to fantasize about your first parents' looks, talents, and temperament. I know I would. Even though it's not my biological family, I am thirsty for information about my children's genetic (and social) history.
When it comes to our birth mothers I would like to initiate a relationship with those ladies--to let them know that their children are making good choices and doing well. I think that would help us all bridge the gap. I would like to send pictures and ask a ton of questions--whatever they might be comfortable with. Based on what I do know, I don't think that is very likely; however, it would be my ideal. Then when my kids are older and they want to find them--if they do--I'll have information to help them make an informed decision. The reality is that some birth parents are not emotionally or mentally healthy enough to have a relationship; I hope for the best, but that could be the case.
I have compassion and gratitude for those women who gave birth to our four amazing children. Though they haven't been physically present in our lives, they are part of our family every day. I have always tried to let our kids know that they can love and miss their birth parents and siblings, and that it's normal. I tell them I'm sure their birth families miss them, too.
So here's something interesting.
I found one of our birth mothers on facebook.
I knew her name and her hometown and her profile pic looked familiar, so I was pretty sure I had the right person. What sealed the deal was her "About Me" section. She wrote that she was missing some children and created this account so that they could find her.
I created a second facebook profile, just for the purpose of communicating with her (whom I will call Bee). I messaged her and said that I was the adoptive mom and hoped she was doing well. I told her a little about her offspring and asked if she would like to see pictures. I don't think I was too over-the-top, but maybe I was because it's been 2 weeks and she's not responded to me. I had found her once before on Myspace but she had already abandoned that account by the time I got there. Maybe she's already abandoned the facebook one, too; I'm sure there are plenty of people who set something up, never to return. I don't know. But I do hope to establish contact with her, that she's healthy. I wish her and our other birth mothers the very best--I want nothing less for my sisters in this journey.
Anyway, that's been on my mind.
I would really like to know more.
A mom can love more than one child, a child can love more than one mom, and I hope to have an opportunity to love them all.