Balancing the old and the new

This Sunday was the big change.

Except that I got all the drama out of my system several days before, and the news rang in my ears like something I heard 100 times before. Just the normal, usual callings and sustainings.

Except that Bryce left us to sit on the stand . . . that was hard.

So let me break the news to you now. Bryce is the 1st counselor in the Bishopric.

And let me tell you why, last week, I felt like my heart had been ripped out.

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Before going to the stake president's office, we speculated on the reason for our visit.

"Maybe it's this. Or that."

"Maybe it's not for me, it's for you."

"Will we have time to get ice cream after? I hope so."

So President Steadman, whom I love and respect, extended the call to Bryce. It was on our list of "what ifs" so it wasn't a surprise, but that didn't stop me from bursting into tears.

(Can you imagine being on one side of the desk, ready with a smile and a handshake for the husband, except that the wife looks like she's reenacting the funeral scene from Steel Magnolias?)

But my feelings weren't about Bryce serving. He had the same calling in our other ward for 4 years, so I knew what to expect. He would be great and an asset to the ward.

My tears were about ME. MY CALLING. My Young Women.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

I questioned whether my service was viewed as less valuable than his. I wondered whether the Bishop appreciated my leadership to the girls--his girls--in the ward.

Usually a call like Bryce's would mean release for a call like mine.

And after only 18 months, I wasn't ready. We're doing well. We have a fabulous group of leaders who teach and inspire the girls, and are friends to me. I love the young women with all my heart. The girls need consistency. They need organization. They need things to stay the same.

I needed things to stay the same.

Fortunately for me, I have a husband who is committed to helping me make that happen. He knows how much the young women mean to me. He knows how much I love the leaders. He knows what I do behind the scenes to keep things organized and connect with the girls.

We will make it work.

We will have conflicting schedules. We will have to attend the same meetings. We might have to pick and choose who goes where, when. I might have to delegate more. God first, family second, and church third. After all, our own children are our first priority.

I needed a few days to catch that vision. The Bishop's remarks at church coupled with a beautiful musical number were the words I needed to hear. They touched my mind as well as my heart.

I know we can make it work.

And now I am at peace.