Health Update

I have lost 27 pounds so far. It's been slower lately but that's because I am much closer to my goal; my ideal number is 18 pounds away. Oy, getting where I want to be is taking forever. But yay for me, I've come a long way, right? And I'm doing it in a healthy way that I can see sustaining for the rest of my life.

One of the changes I'm making is becoming a physically active person. All my life I've focused on my brain/smarts, and my relationships with people--but never my body. I never played sports, didn't work out on my own, and just wasn't interested in getting strong, lean, fit, or healthy. I wanted to look good, sure--which is why I did crash diets and quick fixes. Somehow things changed for me and I have four overarching tenets that guide me.

Have I told you my mantras I repeat daily?

--Have a healthy heart and strong body free of disease. I want to stave off the ailments that come with being overweight, especially high blood pressure, diabetes and dementia. There are many others but those are the three most on my mind.

--Honor the temple that houses my spirit.

--Look good and wear whatever cute clothes I want.

--Live up to my motto: She believed she could, and so she did.

So guess what. I've started playing racquetball. My companions have only been the twins so far but I think I could play a real game with a not-very-skilled adult and hold my own. I don't know. I dominate the court when I'm with the 8-year-olds, I will say that. Before I was too scared to try something new but to my surprise, I am really having fun.

I also want to sign up for a 5K fun run. A RUN! Remember when I ran on my birthday three times longer than I had before? I may not have mentioned that my hips killed for weeks after that. I had to take the jet packs off and go back to walking. I looked up the symptoms online and I think I had a flare-up of the uber-glamorous granny condition, bursitis. Not cool. So I have slowly introduced running back in to my routine. And I do mean slowly. Yesterday I logged about 4 minutes on the treadmill at 5.5 mph, in my entire 45 minute session. BUT!!! My hips feel just fine today. To make sure I did yoga today (Jillian Michaels' power yoga which you can imagine, was not gentle and sweet) and I feel normal. I think that if I take it slow like that I can work up for running a 5K for real. Bryce and I talked about the whole family doing the Santa Run in December, which is not competitive at all. Everyone's dressed like Santa, for heaven's sake! How fun would that be?

So those two things have really pushed me out of my comfort zone but now they're kind of IN my comfort zone, you know? Woo!

One more thing, I want to do a cartwheel. I've never been a pro but it's not too late to become one, hm?

When it comes to clothes, I have a favorite black knee-length pencil skirt that used to be a tight 14 and now it's practically falling off my body. That's the sad thing, saying goodbye to some old favorite clothes (because I do have quite a few favorites). But it's a good sad. I've avoided buying many things through this transition but I did buy myself a new pencil skirt in a size 8 and I'm almost there. Single digits, people.

I feel that healthy eating is my new normal, for the most part--a few slip ups here and there but I'm learning from my mistakes. Logging my food choices has been key. It's not always easy, especially when I'm surrounded by temptation or exhaustion (my reasoning takes a back seat when I'm tired). But this little saying spoke to me:

And I was like, YES.

So that's what's going on in the heath department (aka, the road to better living).

Come join me!

Girls Camp Report

We went to to Big Bear, California for camp. It is about 3 hours away from Las Vegas, equidistant from our regular stake camp in Kolob Canyon, Utah. However, it was a treat to be at Big Bear because the terrain was so different from the dusty desert of home and the accommodations were a big step up from what we were used to!

The girls stayed in cabins or A-frames instead of tents but the thing I liked best was the huge dining hall and kitchen. There was also a sports court where the girls played volleyball. There were several large gathering spots and lots of places to explore.

Mary (in red), with Bella, Taya, and Sara. This was our first gathering.

The dining hall.

The 2nd year girls were Kung Fu Pandas.

Mary and Taya at certification. Mary carved a really cool cat out of soap.

I went on the 3rd year hike.

These were our hikers. We went uphill for 2 hours and sped downhill back to camp in 30 minutes.

This was a view from the trail. Lovely. One group even saw a baby bobcat.

On the 4th of July we went to the lake. It was a spur of the moment decision and since we told the girls not to bring swimsuits, they swam in their clothes. How cool is this floating bounce house?

At the lake we sang camp songs. I'm sure the other lake-goers were entertained.

Waiting for the fireworks, which were super cool.

Mary will always be remembered at camp for her cape, her monkey, and her obsession with her Swiss Army knife.

One very fun activity was the Bishops' warrior competition. Each bishop dressed as a character from the scriptures and told why that person was relevant in our modern lives. Then they competed in some hilarious games (log throwing, hot dog eating, Primary song singing, and musical chairs, among others). Our Bishop rocked and he made our girls proud!

The leaders from our ward: Kristy, Jody, Danette, Jenni, and I. Loved hanging out with those chicas!

Our last activity was a hike to Testimony Rock. President Steadman and I both gave short talks before we descended to camp and began our testimony meetings.

It was a hard balance between being a ward leader, kitchen help, Mary's mom, and the stake Young Women's president, I won't lie. No one knew who I was so I went around introducing myself. I wasn't in charge (the camp directors were) but still my position made people ask me questions for which I had no answers. The lady I replaced as stake YWP, Lori, was there too, and she knew everything; I knew nothing. I felt that I wasn't doing enough in any of my roles and there were some awkward moments, uncomfortable moments . . . moments I felt like people were wondering where I was and why I wasn't acting more in charge or on top of things. Really, it was horrible. After one particularly horrible moment with Mary that made me too late to conduct the next activity, I hid in the bathroom and cried. But we got through it.

Mary said she loved it. I had to drag, pull, threaten, and sometimes just give up when it came to her participating but I'm glad to know she wants to come again. I'm hoping that maturity will make the camp experience easier as time goes by--for me, if not for her.

Our theme was BRAVE--Be Righteous and Virtuous Everyday and the motif was various bears (because of the movie with the same name, the mother was turned into a bear....remember?). It was super fun to hear the cheers of the different levels and the fun things they did with that. We had some very enthusiastic leaders and girls who helped make every event a party. A highlight for me was the 3rd year hike--sweet girls to get to know, nice adults, and great scenery. Mary's 2nd year group went 7 miles to the top of the mountain, the longest hike of any group. And guess what shoes she wore--cheap silver flats from K Mart. Hello. But her feet didn't bother her at all and the hike was her favorite part of camp, too.

New Calling

I was actually really looking forward to teaching seminary next year. Like, a lot. I had learned much from this year (mostly what not to do)--you'd think my third year would be my best, but not so. Anyway, I wanted to redeem myself and right when I was on the cusp of volunteering to teach full-time . . . I was released.

Really! Isn't that always the way? Just when you work out the kinks it's time to move on.

To my immense surprise, I was called to be the stake Young Womens president. You will remember that I served at the ward level (a single congregation) for many years. The stake is in charge of several wards: in our stake, 8. I and my new presidency (who are awesome, amazing women: Michele, Amy, and Merridee) oversee the ward YW programs to ensure that they are running correctly and have what they need; we also plan large activities like youth conference and stake dances. It's a big responsibility on a large scale and though I have a great team, it's a bit intimidating to take the reins and be in charge. But I know once we get going it will be great. The stake YW program is running well and so I just have to continue moving it forward.

My new calling got me thinking of the old pioneer tune, "The Handcart Song", which I learned in Primary many moons ago.

When pioneers moved to the West,
 

With courage strong they met the test.

They pushed their handcarts all day long,

And as they pushed they sang this song:

For some must push and some must pull,

As we go marching up the hill;

So merrily on our way we go

Until we reach the Valley-o.

In life, sometimes we push and sometimes we pull. Sometimes we lead and sometimes we follow. We all move together to make it work, so as long as our vision is clear it doesn't matter who's in front and who's behind. The Lord is our guide and the Gospel our map. For a while I will be in front--and with the company of a wonderful presidency, I look forward to this new adventure.

Impromptu Photo Shoot with Mary

First of all, I am not crazy. My friend Shannon (who made a surprise visit today from Logandale with her kids--woo!) said that the school district calendar she'd printed at the beginning of the year said that the last day of school was today, not yesterday. That obviously got changed somewhere along the way but BOOYAH. I am validated.

Last week before it was 109 degrees every day, I went on an evening walk with Katie. Mary decided to come with us. The lighting was so lovely I had Mare run home to get my camera.

So here are some pictures of our favorite 13-year-old girl and her dog. Aren't they pretty?

Life Keeps Coming At Me

Okay, I am really overwhelmed today. I thought school ended on Thursday but it's actually tomorrow. Tyce gets done today at 10:45 and he wants to have his foreign-exchange friend Melissa over to watch The Blind Side before she goes back to Germany in a few days. You will be happy to know that I did clean the house yesterday so that's one less thing to worry about. However, Mary comes home an hour after he does, usually attached to Bella, and while they are very easy to entertain they still insist on doing things like EAT and now I'm wishing I'd gone to the store for snacks.

Anyway. Man, I'm feeling sad that my boys are leaving 2nd grade. I am feeling those pangs of nostalgia for when Tyce and Mary were that age, so nice and sweet. And look at them now. Just kidding. But I will say, having teenagers is not for the faint of heart and as you know, I've nearly passed out from the stress. I look at my twins and I can't imagine them not being who they are right now, so earnest and loveable, trying to do what's right.

We are thinking about homeschooling one of the kids next year. I would like to homeschool two of them but I know the oldest would absolutely freak out (we have broached the subject many times). I don't know how it would work out with the girl either, but her academic performance at school leaves much to be desired. I think she is highly distracted and for some reason, completely unmotivated. It is the most disheartening thing in the world to see exceptionally smart people grossly living beneath their potential. Perhaps changing the learning environment would help with that. I don't know. But she can't keep going on like she is or she'll be in 7th grade for the rest of her life.

For both of them, there is a significant med issue that needs correcting. The summer will be full of appointments and I pray that they will be willing to go without a fight. I talked to Mary last week about seeing a new doctor and she was fine with it. But you never know on the day of, how things will work out--for either of them. Have you ever tried to help someone who doesn't want it? It can be a battle royale. We've been through that often enough with Tyce to know that. He even threw a tantrum about going to the dentist a few months ago, utterly refusing to get in the car for his appointment.

There are good days and bad days. More good than bad, usually.

Well I did want to post a few more pictures for you. Tyce had his final concert of the year and guess what--he surprised us by singing a solo! He performed "Shadowlands" from the Lion King musical. It was great. The whole night was very emotional since it was the Seniors last concert and that made all the kids cry their eyes out. Tyce's friend Nick is graduating this year and we will miss him--there are no words to describe how grateful we are for his friendship and example to Tyce. He is an angel in our lives, literally prayed for and delivered.

The week after the concert was the choir banquet. Tyce was recognized for his service as a section leader and earned his letter in choir. He also got elected to an office for next year, Chamber Representative on the choir council.

Nick and Tyce. Harrison convinced Nick to do a back flip on stage and he did!

The students who lettered in Choir.

Recognized for their service as student aids. Tyce's class was the Advanced Women's Ensemble.

That's all I can do for now since I have to pick up the movie-watchers in 30 minutes. I'm going to do some last-minute tidying and maybe make some cookies or something to cover up the smell coming from the play room. That place is an abomination.

Last Week of School and Catch Up

It seems like the year just started, doesn't it? Hm, ask any kid and they'll say the opposite. The older kids have finals and half-days this whole week, so just about the time I get the twins off--Tyce and Mary reappear. Oy. The house is a wreck and I want to get several projects and workbooks ready for summer and I am apparently running out of time.

Here are some things that went on in April.

1. We dyed Easter eggs on General Conference weekend. Yes, a week late because that's how we roll. I'd boiled the eggs before we left for Utah but we never got around to coloring them.You may be noticing a trend here, that my little holiday plans aren't working out as expected lately.

Mary and Harrison are the meticulous ones.

Cam is just in it to be cool.

He's always the first one done and his spot is the messiest.  But he's happy and that's all that matters, right?

Miss Mary and her pretties.

Tyce was around but was more than willing to let me take his spot at the table. I guess 11th-grade guys aren't as in to decorating eggs as Pinterest has led me to believe.


2. I went on the 2nd grade field trip to see a stage production of Skippy Jon Jones at UNLV. It was one of the strangest plays I've ever seen. The title character is an imaginitive chihuahua who wants to be a cat. The books are absolutely adorable, by the way. But I couldn't decided if the message of the musical was that being different is good, or that if you feel species dysphoria trapped inside your body, your family should enable your desire to change. Cute story or political agenda? I think this was all made confusing by the human acting.

This is, of course, my own overthinking. The kids had a great time.

Some of the class. Cam is the the middle of the pack.

There's Harrison.

Cameron and his friend Cody.

And Harrison with Cody.

Cam was my bus buddy.

3.  Katie found an injured American Coot hiding in a bush in the park by our house. It is a water fowl and it was far from home (which I'm assuming was Lake Mead, although we read they also like golf courses). The poor thing had a broken leg. Of course our rescue vet (i.e. Mary) took great care of the creature until she and Bryce could drive it the bird sanctuary the next day.

They had quite a time dropping off the bird (which Cameron named "Duh", infuriating Mary). The Coot was not cooperative and when Bryce and Mary tried to smuggle it into the water, it freaked out and bit Bryce. So then there was a big kerfuffle of flapping and shouting which roused a worker's attention. He probably thought they were stealing a bird, not donating one, because he shouted, "Hey!" which was enough to send Bryce and Mary hightailing it back to the minivan.

In the tub with a piece of bread.

Posing for the camera.

Duh, ready for his/her close-up.

4. We went on a double date to Beauty and the Beast at the Smith Center. Tyce took a lovely girl named Jenny and she was such an easy person to talk to. She was in my seminary class her freshman year. The play was amazing and it was a fun night all around.

Jenny and Tyce.

Bryce and I.

Waiting for the show to start.

Looking at the program. Tyce discovered that one of his YASE counselors was in the chorus!

Stay tuned for more. But right now I have to get to work because Child #1 will be home any minute.

Thoughts on the Book of Revelation

This is the last week of seminary. We've been studying the book of Revelation, which Joseph Smith called "one of the plainest books God ever caused to be written." I'm glad he felt that way because we normal folks call it "scary stuff that freaks kids out".

A few things stood out to me. First of all, an increased appreciation for John, the one commissioned of the Savior to receive and record the revelations. What a life he had, from witnessing countless miracles such as the raising of Jairus' daughter (Mark 5:35-42); being on the Mount of Transfiguration (Matthew 17:1-9); and being witness our Lord's crucifixion and resurrection (Matthew 26); to continuing the work after Jesus' mortal ministry where he was eventually exiled to the island of Patmos and received this vision. That's not to mention the super-amazing request he made to "tarry" until Jesus came again to the earth (John 21:21-23), to minister here and not die until Christ comes in his glory. I can't even fathom that, nor understand the daily doings of one who does not taste death; that is a mystery to me. But the fact that he would choose to stay, knowing the destruction and wickedness that comes with the end of the world, is a testament to his devotion to the work and the cause.

Another thing that touched me is the REASON this revelation was given. I used to think it was to scare us to "straighten up and fly right" because we'd now been warned. But I came to understand that it is also given to comfort us--that God knows the end from the beginning. Yes, calamities, disease, and wars will rage and wickedness will abound. But how does it all end? With good triumphing over evil. With peace and joy. Taking that into my own life, if He knows that--the outcome of the entire earth's history and eventual glory--does He not know ME and the plans for MY life? I find that to be a great strength.

The last thing has come to me more strongly since hearing about the devastating tornado in Oklahoma this week. The book of Revelation talks about many horrible disasters in the last days and it seems like we are hearing of more and more of this come to pass every year. So very sad. Something I read in my study was this, from Joseph Smith:

"It is a false idea that the Saints will escape all the judgements, whilst the wicked suffer; for all flesh is subject to suffer, and 'the righteous shall hardly escape;' still many of the Saints will escape, for the just shall live by faith; yet many of the righteous shall fall a prey to disease, to pestilence, etc., by reasons of the weakness of the flesh, and yet be saved in the Kingdom of God."

Hardships and trials, even destruction and death--these affect both the righteous and wicked. Matthew 5:45 says "he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Those people who lost loved ones this week are in my prayers because no matter how firmly you believe that there is a plan, their poor hearts are broken. That's the real difficulty in all of this and I wish I could see with heavenly eyes and feel with a heavenly heart to make sense of it all. It's no wonder that John used such frightening-sounding imagery in describing the calamities and devastation that will befall many of us in the last days. I have no doubt that many wonderful, innocent people lost their lives that day--that the rain fell on the just--and to us, it just doesn't seem fair. However, if God knows the end from the beginning, who are we to say that this exit from mortality (which we will all have to face) was not exactly what He had planned and that those souls are now progressing more quickly than they could have had they stayed here? Not easy to accept, not easy to let go, but perhaps a comfort nonetheless.

I am grateful for the book of Revelation--the last book placed in the Bible but written before John wrote his first epistle (1 John).

(Did you know that? That when scholars were grouping the different letters, epistles, and accounts they started with the four Gospels because those were about Christ's mortal ministry; then moved to Acts because that was an overview of the activities and doings of the Apostles; then came all the letters. At first the book of Revelation was not included in the Bible. However, when scholars agreed that it was important they put it at the end.)

I cannot yet say as Brother Joseph that the book is "plain" to me but I do have a greater understanding and appreciation for the mighty prophesies revealed.

Stuff I Like

--Yoga. I love that feeling of bending and twisting and burning and getting stronger. I prefer more cardio-intense versions over the peaceful, relaxing kind--I especially like Ashtanga, or power yoga. That kicks my butt every time. I like being in touch with my body's limitations and strengths and taking note of how each part can improve (unlike a killer aerobics-type class, where all I feel is my heart thumping, my head hurting, and my strong desire to fall on the floor). Yoga helps me connect to one of my core wellness beliefs, which is to honor the temple that houses my spirit. I enjoy the inner power and peace that comes with that final Namaste.

--Berries. Strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries--I eat them every day.

--The TV show Bates Motel. Great writing and acting. Scary, fascinating, sweet, and unnerving all at once.

--Losing 20 pounds (yes, one more than when I last wrote). Slow and steady, yo.

--That Bryce cleaned our bathroom spotless. Wow, it shined when I came home from chaperoning Tyce's choir trip to Magic Mountain. We have three kids who share our bathroom (which is ridiculous, but whatever) and they are neither tidy nor conscientious about their clothes on the floor or toothpaste in the sink. But now it looks like grown-ups live there and it is quite nice.

--My kids' teachers. I have really enjoyed getting to know them as people and they are wonderful human beings. I am grateful for all they give of their time and talents to my children.

--Words with Friends. When life is too much, I can play a word game on my phone and escape for a while.

--My blender. I make a smoothie every day. (My favorite: spinach leaves, raspberries, small orange, plain Greek yogurt, and chia seeds.)

--Drought-tolerant plants. Thank goodness they exist and that I can put one in a pot on my porch and not kill it.

--Hot pink toenail polish. Why? I don't know. I just like it, probably because it makes me look tan. Next to red, it's my favorite color.

--Walking. I haven't done it much lately for exercise other than taking Katie out for a stretch because it's gotten so summery here (over 100 degrees) but I enjoy that time to think.

--That Mary and I wear the same shoe size. It would seem that this would benefit her more than me (as I have a lot more footwear) but it goes both ways. Sometimes I buy her a pair I wouldn't buy for myself but then the perfect outfit comes in to play and her shoes are the perfect complement. But mostly it gives me peace of mind when she's freaking out that she can't find what she wore yesterday; I can say, "Here. Wear these. Now get in the car!" (As you may suspect, those shoes become hers forever after that.)

--Sleep. Oh man, I don't feel like we get enough of that but it sure is nice on those rare occasions we wake up refreshed.

--When Tyce and Mary play the piano. They are very, very good at what they play and I love to hear that beautiful music throughout the house.


This is just a little sampling of what makes me happy.

A for Effort, F for Customer Satisfaction

That's how motherhood feels to me at the moment.

I didn't become a mom to receive praise or even appreciation--I know who I am, what I'm doing, and I'm confident that I'm doing my best. Two of my kids tested that core belief yesterday on the holy grail of parenting holidays: Mother's Day. One of them refused to do anything helpful or nice, and the other completely ignored me, a passive-aggressive holdover from the day before (as in no eye contact, no words--nothing). This is actually not that unusual except that it seemed amplified on a day with such high expectations. All I wanted was for all my children to go to church with me and they couldn't even do that.

I never understood how some women had a hard time on Mother's Day. But now I get it. You see those sweet Primary kids sing at church and think, "I had some of those, but I don't know where they went." When they're young they want to please you, to make you happy. They can't wait to give you the craft they made. And when they get older they want to pretend you don't exist.

It's times like these that make me say, Lord, please tell me you know what you're doing because this life is pretty unpleasant.

I know that when certain kids can hardly handle their own lives it's pretty hard to give anything to anyone else. I know it--but if I could just switch off my feelings then it wouldn't hurt so much.

(Yes, it did hurt. I wish I could say that I'm bigger than that but I'm not.)

But looking beyond my pain, I am grateful for a loving husband who shows and tells me how appreciative he is of me. He and the other two kids did their best to make me feel special and I did. I am grateful for my own wonderful mom and for Bryce's mom, who are examples of love and goodness. I am grateful for my friends who are mothers and for those who have mothering hearts. I learn from them every day how to better bless my own family.

I know that motherhood is an eternal calling and I am thankful for that. It gives me hope that when things shake out in the eternities, I will be able to take all I know and have to offer and be the best version of what my children so desperately need but are unable to accept at this time.

The Latest

Some things that have happened lately:

Cameron was Colt of the Month! I was so proud of him. He has improved his focus and concentration in class and his grades show it. He started meds for ADHD recently and it has made a world of difference. Before, he would flit from activity to activity, provoke Harrison because he was bored, interrupt his own sentences because he got distracted by another thought. Now he can sit for literally hours and work on an art project or build a Lego creation. He still pesters but it seems to be less than before. I think he must be happier because he's able to complete things and he is more pleasant to be around. He really  is a sweet boy.

Cameron and I at his award ceremony in the courtyard.

Katie had a birthday. On May 1st she turned 3. She had a hamburger patty for a cake and later I found her chewing on the number 3 candle, looking guilty.

Bryce chaperoned Tyce's chamber choir trip to . . . Disneyland! Finally, a perk of being an involved parent. Just kidding, but Bryce had an awesome time with the other parents and the kids. Tyce did too, of course. The highlight of the trip was the competition aspect. First they practiced in a beautiful church and received instruction from a music professor on how to arrange the singers; she tested each person for their unique sound and then placed them in an order than would make for the best blend. Bryce said it was a fascinating process. When they performed for the judges they blew everyone away; the contest announcer said he'd never felt such a spirit from a choir before. At the awards ceremony it was an awesome feeling to find out they'd won 1st place and swept the competition! Johnnie and Nick went on stage to accept the award and Nick did a back flip. This made the crowd go crazy and made the MC sputter, "Well. Hm. Don't do that. No one else do anything like that."

Of course Disneyland was super fun and Mr. Duff said it was the best trip he'd ever taken a choir on. That's quite a compliment but not a surprise, as this is an amazing group of kids.

Mary is on chapter 25 of the book she's writing. It fills up 6 spiral notebooks so far. My favorite time of day with her is when she comes home from school and says, "Can I read you my book?" We settle into the living room and she takes me into the fantasy world she's created. She is an amazing writer and I am awestruck at her creativity and the complexity of her plot lines. I am a somewhat creative person (within my sphere) but she is above and beyond anyone I've ever known in real life.

Harrison has really enjoyed Bryce reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" to the boys at night. Cameron falls asleep quickly but Harrison (a night owl) stays awake as long as he can. When I took a turn reading, Harrison filled me in on everything in perfect detail. He has also loved riding the rip stick (like a wobbly skateboard) around the neighborhood and plays with the neighbor kids every single day. He is an incredibly active kid who throws and kicks things constantly, enjoys being around people. He hardly ever sits to watch TV but he does enjoy listening to the iPod and playing games on my phone.

Cameron has a new passion: the Pittsburgh Steelers. NFL football appeared on the twins' radar just the past Super Bowl, when classmates predicted and then gloated (or cried) over the outcome. The Ravens beat the 49ers and all that talk pushed Cam to choose a favorite team himself. After much deliberation Cam decided that he was for the Cowboys. He earned some money and asked to go to the sports store to buy a Cowboys wallet he'd seen earlier. However, when he got there the wallet was gone; but he found a $5 Steelers hat and he fell in love. Now he wants to visit Pennsylvania and is obsessed with all things Steelers. He has an NFL sticker book (and Harrison has one for baseball). Cam knows all the players on his favorite team in the book (there are about 12) but he calls them all by their first names instead of their last!

I am still teaching seminary and I'm glad it's winding up. I'm losing my mojo and the kids are not as invested. I need to find a way to rally them for the last stretch. I have really enjoyed studying the New Testament though and it's been wonderful to not only read, but delve in to the history and commentary in each chapter.

In other news, I am still going strong in my lifestyle change and my eating choices have been whole foods about 90% of the time. I exercise for 30 minutes a day doing cardio routines, walking, or yoga. I feel good and as an added bonus, I have lost 19 pounds so far.

That's about all that's going on. I know I haven't been good about writing lately but I hope to get back in the swing of things soon.

My Birthday

It was April 5th and let me say that it was a lot better than last year, when I was in a "don't look at me" kind of mood. Do you remember that? I pretty much hope you don't. This time my birthday was great and I feel pretty awesome for 29. (Plus 10.)

That's me.

Highlights of my day included spending the morning with Bryce (though we were both sick--super lame), getting pedicures with Mary, having our family party, getting tons of nice messages and wishes from loved ones, and going to Red Robin with my girl friends. I felt happy and loved the whole day.

Mary getting pretty next to me.

The family decorated for me!

My treat to myself: cheesecake with sliced strawberries.

I really do feel blessed to be alive another year, especially now that I am taking the reins on living a healthier life. My outlook is brighter and I feel physically more energized. It is also nice to have something I can control when much of my life is in chaos. At one point I kind of tried to control cleaning the house but it was not as rewarding as this.

I have awesome friends and a super loving extended family. My husband is my rock and my best friend--I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for me. I know that God blessed me with a good man. My kids have brought me the highest joys I have ever known, and they humble me as I try to understand how to deal with their issues. And Lord knows, I love them with all my heart.

I used to to think I had the power to make things happen but I now know that I only have a small, minor ability to change anyone but myself. I used to think it was totally up to me to ensure that my kids "turned out" a certain way, that it reflected on me if they did or didn't. They can do, say, and create things that leave me gobsmacked--both positive and negative--that have nothing to do with me. Sometimes I'd like to take credit for their talents and good deeds, but then I'd have to take ownership for the flip side, too. I'm still coming to terms with that--but I guess one benefit of age is experience and wisdom. That's a gift Life gives to me every birthday I'm still here.