Friday Confessional

1. I only have one New Year's resolution: to become perfect. Haha. I recently read something that really struck a chord with me though, about goal-setting. The author said to set goals that are within your control; for example, instead of "Get my novel published by a big publishing house" (out of the author's control) write, "Send my manuscript to three publishers a week" (within the author's control). The likelihood of the getting published is greater if you widen your net.

Another thing that meant a lot to me was the "Just for Today" creed adapted from the one they use at the Al-Anon 12-step meetings. Life is made of a thousand tiny decisions every day.

Okay, for my real resolution (and I do only have one): To live my life more in tune with the Spirit, and to feel closer to my Savior. So that means meditation, personal prayer and study, physical exercise, awareness of my relationships with others . . . in other words, to be better than before. To become closer to the person I want to be. It's nothing I can cross off a list but rather a reminder to stay the course (with more energy and enthusiasm).

2. I think I have abandoned sending out Christmas cards. I haven't made that absolute declaration to myself but the last few years have been been card-less. I love receiving cards though. I guess that is hypocritical of me, to hope for cards without sending any myself? Do you know I love you even if I don't send holiday greetings? Or do you assume I've essentially unfriended you by snail-mail?

3. My goal is to take down all the Christmas decorations before January 5th, Mary's birthday. This is not because I'm an un-decorating superstar or anything. It's because one year our tree stayed up until the end of January and I was so sick of looking at it I wanted to cry. In fact, I tried to disassemble it myself but all I could do was take the top third off, which left me with a stumpy reminder that I was not done yet.

4. My bedroom, which was looking so awesome, has taken a turn for the worse.

5. My citrus tree only produced one lemon and one orange this year. I've got to figure out how to prune that thing.

6. My leather couch has a rip between the cushions. I can't decide if it's just wear and tear or someone took scissors to it.

7. I want to make my own papier-mache glitter letters in a vintage frame with blinking lights with the word "SIMPLIFY".

8. And then right next to it a piece of notebook paper with the marker-scrawled word: "IRONIC".

9. I don't really want to do 7 or 8. Or maybe I do?

10. Mary won her class's D.A.R.E. essay contest and got to read hers along with the other class winners. People said to me, "She's a great writer! She takes after you!" but the reality is that she is a better writer at age 11 than I am at 36.

11. She had a birthday! She's 11 and we had a little family party where she requested an ice cream sundae bar instead of a cake. I was a bit sad to not make her a cake because I consider my baking a gift to the birthday person, amateur though it may be. But I must say I am a pro at grocery shopping, so maybe this ice cream idea actually plays to my strengths.

12. Cameron is his class's Star of the Week! Bryce looked at the "all about me" poster I was working on and said, "That's right, starve the weak!" I looked at him like he was crazy. What did he mean by that? Survival of the Fittest was destined to knock Cameron off? And then it occurred to me: He said "Star of the Week" just like I had. But my mind heard an entirely different phrase. Kind of like "this guy" and "the sky" . . . they sound just the same when you use them in a sentence. (The sky is blue / This guy is blue.)

13. I'm excited and nervous to have Donna and Angela come over tonight to babysit. I have PTSD from other babysitting experiences but I'm trying to focus on being positive and grateful.

14. I find this new laptop a little difficult to type on. But I love it.

15. I wish I could spend the whole day in my room watching TV today. No feeding kids, no cleaning up, no dealing with drama. But I guess that would shoot down my "just for today" mantra, wouldn't it? Unless I changed it to "Just for today....I will suspend my goal to do anything productive". Haha!

16. Today is my dad's 61st birthday! I love you, Dad!